Daniel Radcliffe can't do right for doing wrong - and by that we mean that the Harry Potter film studio is angry about Daniel Radcliffe taking all his clothes off and stabbing some horses in the eye in worship of a mental horse-god in front of everyone.
Or that's what we thought anyway - but all reports of Warner Bros getting narked because Harry Potter keeps getting naked in the new run of Equus have been quickly denied by Warner Bros itself. In fact, Warner Bros are so in-tune to the hype and hysteria surrounding naked Harry Potter that it's doing all it can to insert footage of Daniel Radcliffe's naked penis into all the old Harry Potter films for a new special edition DVD boxset - yes, even the one where he was an 11-year-old boy, the perverts. Unless we're wrong and, since we just made that last bit up, we suspect we are.
You may not have realised it, but on Friday night Harry Potter got his cock out in front of an audience for the very first time, because it marked the first preview of Equus - or That Film Where Harry Potter Takes His Pants Off And Stabs A Horse's Eye Out to use its more common name. And anyone thinking that Daniel Radcliffe's premiere in Equus would be commemorated by some surreptitious photos of a 17-year-old boy's genitalia getting zapped around the internet will be sorely disappointed - so far, only the theatre audience has got to see Daniel Radcliffe naked.
But don't worry, you vaguely paedophilic creepoids are not the only ones to be disappointed by naked Equus Daniel Radcliffe - at the weekend it was being rumoured that Warner Bros, the movie studio that makes the Harry Potter films, was upset that its carefully crafted 'Harry Potter kisses a girl for the very first time' PR campaign for the forthcoming Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix movie has been utterly undermined by the less carefully crafted 'Harry Potter gets naked, stabs several horses in the eye with a metal spike, worships an invented horse-god and shags a girl (but you don't see it going in)' Equus PR campaign that was backed up with pictures of Daniel Radcliffe sort of naked.
In fact, the rumours even went as far as suggesting that Warner Bros was so worried that Daniel Radcliffe's penis would undermine the last three Harry Potter movies - and the final Harry Potter book Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows - that it was planning to sack Daniel Radcliffe and hire a brand new Harry Potter, one that ideally would have no genitals whatsoever. But Warner Bros has been quick to dispel these rumours. It loves Harry Potter's pee-pee, and Digital Spy quotes a Warner Bros spokesperson as saying:
"Daniel Radcliffe is an extremely talented actor, as well as a great collaborator and friend to Warner Bros. Pictures. We've had great experiences working with him on our films and fully support him in the artistic choices he makes as an actor."
So it looks like no matter what Daniel Radcliffe does, he'll be stuck playing Harry Potter until the moment that JK Rowling inevitably kills him at the end of the next book. So the last few days have seen Harry Potter get naked and Lord Voldemort boffing a flight attendant in a plane toilet. The law of averages, therefore, suggest that it won't be long before Hagrid goes and does something horrible with his penis - and when that happens we'll be calling on Daniel Radcliffe to use his metal spike for good and stab our eyes out.
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